Socks [Email Newsletter sent 4/11/2020]

I came to work at HQ for the first time today in almost two weeks. I have been working from home while Casey has been fulfilling online orders and keeping salt, salting.
It is strange to be here. It is strange to drive though town and see cars on the road - I don't know what I expected.. tumble weeds and skeletons? No. But this is such a strange time we are living in. I am glad I got out of the house though. I do go outside with the kids and spend time in the barn with my horse but it is good to get all the way away from the house and think about something else for a change. I think spent just a little too much time at home....

Today, Casey did the morning shift at HQ while I stayed home with the kids, then the plan was to switch places. When he got home I was in our room putting away laundry. As he walked in I just so happened to be putting away his freshly clean, ever so neatly, folded socks away only to discover... 


*an actual crime in 37 states. 
You guys think I go on and on in this email? You should see what happens when I find single socks in the dresser drawer.

Why! We have a sock basket! A basket specifically dedicated to socks. I put all the socks in there from each load and every 2 to 27 loads or so I fold up all the socks and put them away. Sometimes our kids even help with this project because it is just so easy. I don't know how you all do the laundry or divvy up tasks between household members, but in our house I mostly do the laundry and Casey does it when he has to. I prefer it this way - we all have our things.. mine is laundry.

Case and I have lived together for 7 years now (or so? idk).. and on our first date I was like: "I want to get married and have kids and have only matched socks in dresser drawers". Ok, that's not true but what is true is that for a very long time, I have expressed my discomfort with this primal, inappropriatesock hoarding phenomenon.
We've had our ups and downs like every couple.. about once a year or so I find a couple of randoms shoved in the top drawer and we have a little come to Jesus meeting. And that day happened to be today.

 Casey: "I don't see why I can't just match them from my drawer as I need them". 

Britni: "I just don't see why you don't call up your friend Joe and see if you can sleep on his couch for a while" 
Look, I know it is his sock drawer. It's his life choice. If he wants to live like a zoo animal, why would I even care.. Less socks for me to fold anyway, right?.. Just cram 'em in there and be done with it. 

But I just can't. It's a slippery slope. Ya let the socks get all willy nilly and what would be next? Mixing whites and darks or worse, washing the towels with the SHEETS!? Get the fuck out of here with that pilly bullshit. See! One terrible laundry habit leads to another and next thing you know we'd be walking around with dim whites, wrinkled shirts and jeans with a crease down the wrong part of the leg.

Laundry would start to pile up in heaps around the house and become litter box alternatives for our cats. We wouldn't use our "spray and wash" any more, obviously, so we would repurpose it into a squirt gun for teaching our cats to not poop on blouses. Then, one of the neighbors would hear all of the ruckus and call animal control to report us for spraying our pets with poison. They would even have video footage to prove it because this story is already so weird!!

THEN, it would be on the front page of the Homer News "Salt couple arrested for poisoning household pets with stain remover" (because there is obviously nothing else to report on in town right now). People would stop supporting our business because they would think we hate dirty animals, even though, we would be actual dirty animals ourselves by then.

You guys would stop reading my emails and our web-shop would stop getting visitors and get lonely. It would soon become depressed and reckless and start experimenting with the dark web and other unhealthy coping mechanisms requiring months of rehab before it could be opened again. 

In summary:

Unfolded socks in drawers = Dirty-animal-hating-hypocrites with asymmetrical jean creases and a tanked, web based business with a day drinking problem. 

Sigh. Sorry, Casey.

I don't know how he lives with me. My little sock meltdown today was definitely NOT about socks. It was about ALL the other things*.

Like all other families out there right now, we are navigating our way through all of these changes, and the new world of being home.. all the god damn time. So take it from me (psycho-sock lady):

GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! Go outside, get fresh air. Be alone (even if you're a parent, it's important you make time for this). Do it before you flip your lid over a laundry organization disagreement. 

I realize now, how my vision narrowed in on our home, our room and his sock drawer  and I lost sight of the big wide world out there for a moment. It's easy to do when you're stuck at home. Sheesh. I'm planning to come to HQ 3 days per week from now on :) 

*By other things I mostly mean our two miniature roommates that ruin everything but are so cute we let them live with us. Sometimes, when we find our patience running thin, Casey and I just pretend that our kids are drunk and it makes everything they do instantly hilarious and forgivable. Especially around bedtime while trying to keep them on track with brushing their teeth and going potty. It's pretty funny, every single time.
Our actual text thread. As I write this email he is building shelves and feeding my horse.
Oh sweet, dear Casey. Like most men, does not give two shits about the orderliness of his sock drawer - or anything else for that matter.

But he is the best dad and he works so hard. He's smarter than anyone I have ever met and he's my best friend. This will seem dorky - but anytime we have a disagreement (which isn't super often) and we work it out, I am always reminded of how being so different is our greatest strength. We have completely opposite skills and priorities from one another. We look at the world through very, very different lenses. But, we are like yin and yang, connected by mutual respect for each other and that is what makes us a strong, single unit. 

We are partners in a lot more than business and it would all be nothing without him.

Man, I love him. And now I am going to go home, and go to sleep and be glad that at least for today, the laundry is under control and our business is still in business.

Be well, Salties!

- Britni


  • Judith

    Hilarious! saw your post on the tok and thought I’d check out the Newsletter. Did not dissapoint!

  • Mike smith

    Well hurry up and smile. And if you look in the mirror you just did.

  • Barry Brunk

    My wife Donna asked if you have a PhD in Psockology? She’d ask you herself, but she’s literally DIY’ing a sock basket in our laundry room as I post.
    ~ Barry
    Myrtle Beach, SC

  • Deborah Walker

    When I went to my boyfriend’s home the first time, he had 2 garbage bags on his pool table full of socks! He got a deal at a swap meet. I should have known better, but here we are 22 years later. He has three sock drawers and I cram all my delicates into one drawer. I understand your pain. Gotta love ut!

  • Colleen Mallett

    Just found your TikTok in for you. Checked out your web site. Awesomeness all the way!
    Thanks for being here when I needed a laugh and a new place to spend my money at. 🤪😊👍🏻

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