IT IS IMPORTANT THAT YOU HAVE ALREADY READ THIS OLDISH EMAIL ABOUT MY KIDS' PETS. IF YOU HAVEN'T, YOU MUST START HERE. THESE CAPITALS ARE ME USING MY STERN MOM LOOK AND TONE.
[Britni] Today we are here to celebrate the life of Cupcake, my daughter's beloved hamster:
Hadley & Cupcake in December 2020
It seems unfair, too early for Cupcake to have passed and left those of us still living on Earth behind. But we are not here today to mourn, instead, we are here to celebrate the short, but meaningful life of Cupcake, because that is what she would have wanted. In the entire 41 total days that Cupcake was a part of our family, she brought us more joy and tiny droppings than one could measure.
Cupcake loved sunflower seeds, her little nest, carrot shavings, tiny sticks specifically for hamsters, not being put in a ball, little hamster biscuits and most of all, being left the fuck alone. She loved shoving her bedding in her cheeks until she looked hilarious and moving her things from place to place like a little hamster hoarder.
She was kind of smelly, but mostly, she made a little girl very happy and her life, while much too short, was filled with purpose and she will be dearly missed.
& god damn it. her little hands were so fucking cute.
#littlehamsterhands
While Pat didn't mean to end Cupcake's life by sneaking into Hadley's room and fucking with her hamster cage and leaving it open after already being told specifically not to do this... We hope what happened to Cupcake is a lesson to us all. You can't take what your parents say too seriously..
Cupcake's burial will take place on Tuesday, February 3rd at the Homer Landfill & Transfer Facility. Leave Me Alone Time Candles will be lit across the country in her remembrance on This day. (please post your candle lighting or add to your story with #RIPcupcake). Due to COVID 19 and the condition of Cupcake’s cat-battered body, her viewing will not be held open to the public.
Instead of sending flowers, Cupcake’s loved ones request that you make a small purchase from Alaska Salt Company in her honor.
#damnitPat
But not Cupcake’s. Cuz. she gone. RIP Cupcake
And.. anyhoosies..
This is Mr. Sugar Pie. Or “Shugs”.
Hamster pet take two.
Hadley seemed to move on pretty quickly after the initial devastation.
I, personally am still recovering from finding Cupcake under my bed after daysof looking for her. [insert crying puking emoji] [insert little belly up, mouth agape, X’s for eyes hamster emoji]
Nothing like the smell of a dead hamster under your bed story to get you in the mood for some hot sex and salty chocolate this Valentine’s Day.
I can’t help you with the sex part, but I can sure as fuck hook it up with some chocolate deals! How about buy 3 get one FREE on chocolate tins!! Add any 4 chocolate tins (or any multiple of 4) to your cart to activate this discount code:
to receive the 4th tin for FREE! This offer is valid until February 5th, 2021 at 11:59 pm ALASKA time.
If the formatting is weird in this email, it’s because I completed this diary entry from my phone. My computer officially shit the bed today. Didn’t I manifest getting a new one this year??
Anyway. Signing off at 12:03 am ALASKA time and have a 12 mile bike ride scheduled in 6 hours from now. Fuck me. Already laying in bed with eyes half shut as I type this. Night y’all.
- Salt Lady
Sea Salt.
Harvested by hand with love and respect for the ocean.
