Holy Shit TikTok [Email sent 11/02/2020]

The Salt Co. Diaries

If this is your first Alaska Salt Co. email diary, do yourself a solid and read this before going further..
[Britni] Dear Diary,

[ok, seriously, if you're new here, please click the link above]

On Wednesday, October 28th, 2020, I woke up as an average 27-year-old, small business owner in Alaska.

On the eve of this said Wednesday, I posted a video that went viral on TikTok... 

and life has not quite been the same ever since ...
On Thursday morning when I fled from my front door to my car to go to work, I had to shove my way through a crowd of news reporters, nosy neighbors, and adoring fans. I had sunglasses on, a hood, a mask, the works.. I was dodging camera flashes and grabby, grabby hands. If it weren't for the back up cam in my car, I don't know that everyone would have survived my (once normal) morning commute to work.*

Life is different now. TikTok is no joke.

IT'S NO FUCKING JOKE, MAN.

That platform is not for the weak, or the "unready" to be rich and famous. It will chew you up and spit you out if you aren't down to own your path to famedom.

But for those who are ready... for those who have been waiting their entire lives for this moment.. well, TikTok is just the platform for you.. and by "you" I am sure you have guessed at this point that we are actually talking about me :) [Get used to it diary peepers.]

*ok, technically, this whole part is made up.. There was no paparazzi but we did, in fact, see a significant increase in web traffic and sales, and, most importantly, "newsletter" subscribers. The video was a game changer for our little salt company.
 
and, SO, I'm just going to jump right into it. 

When you're a small business owner and you get a little internet spotlight you can really only go one of two ways: 

1. You can shut things down and deal with the rush of orders you got.. You could look at it like a little "burst" or a peak of sales.. a boost.. "that one time".. 

or...

2. You can recognize the opportunity you have before you and have an attitude like: LET'S FUCKING DO THIS.
#yolomothafuckas
And we are an option #2 kind of company. Like I said: right to business...

Only, we have one small problem...

Before my video went viral, we already had a bit of a salt shortage at the Salt Company. I know, an unforeseen challenge, being a salt company and all. But, one does not go on Amazon and purchase an "extra large sized salt harvesting machine".. these systems must be engineered and most importantly.. purchased. Ah, yes....

Money

You see, we have been working on steadily growing our little business over the last 3 years and boy is it ever expensive to operate a small business. People are expensive. Equipment is expensive. Shipping is so fucking expensive to and fro Alaska.. But we have made it this far...

We've even survived the shit-fucking-storm that is 2020. 
So, after the viral video, a boost in sales, and an extreme salt shortage, we called a very formal, executive-professional meeting to order [meaning me, Holly (our office manager), and Casey (my husband / business partner) literally just stood in a circle and talked it out]. In this meeting, we decided that we were going to really go for it. Let's grow this biz and god damn it, maybe even break even this year! (we took a huge hit from a store we opened in Anchorage that was immediately shut down due to COVID) (a sob story for a later date).

We all agreed: Our first priority is harvesting more salt. Which means we need more sales and more profits in order to buy more equipment. I don't know the details of this financial breakdown because that is my husband's (super boring/lame) lane. I, personally, do more of the writing and cute stuff. and less numbers and worrying.

The takeaway: We need to gross $104,000 in the next month, in order to buy the next level of salt harvesting equipment which would allow us to double our current production capacity.
I know. This goal probably seems a bit lofty, being as, we are a salt company, currently very over sold on salt...

BUT

My wild, entrepreneur spirit CANNOT be tamed. At age 8 I bred and sold baby bunnies for a profit. The bunnies I sold were mostly purchased for the purpose of feeding large snakes and other exotic reptiles.. at the time I was 100% aware of this reality. #savage

I was fucking born for this shit.. 

So where do we go from here?!? Here you are, balls deep in a marketing email from a salt company with no salt, and I'm in an even stickier position over here in Alaska with many thousands more "newsletter" subscribers than I had last week..

Well, to me, the solution is obvious.

I need to sell our "salty" stuff that doesn't have actual salt in it so that one day, our company can supply you all with natural, raw, unprocessed beautiful salt.

 

So saddle up...

One important brand mission we have always had is to take care of our Mama Earth. Our product packaging is (at least) 90% plastic-free and we reuse/reduce as much as we can when it comes to waste (excluding your time reading this email - that's on you). That said, we carry a lot of things simply because they reduce waste (single use plastics, specifically).

Here are a few of my favorites:

ahem.. on to the products..
[my actual sink] How about this plastic free, easy on the eyes, dishwashing accessory system. I feel completely extra while using this little setup instead of a plastic bottle of dish soap and a [insert puke emoji] sponge. Impress your guests with this all new, vegan, plastic-free, luxurious, fully-functioning, dishwashing art display.
Have you considered investing in something that you don't throw away!? Still using a pink, plastic piece of crap that is going to ruin the planet for our great grand kids? Try a "reusable" / "forever" razor. You simply replace the cutty part instead of the whole god damn thing. What a concept... I'll never go back to that flimsy, plastic, barbie bullshit. Those crap sticks can't hold up to the challenge of Alaskan women leg hairs in the winter, anyway. 

Don't know about you, but I prefer heavy duty equipment when it comes to my quarterly hair removal. 
Swedish dishcloths.. replacing paper towels and sponges globally...

#nuffsaid
ADORABLE tea towels.. well, just because. Look at this precious towel.. [insert heart eyes emoji] [cow emoji] [salt emoji]

There's WAY more stuff in our store but you get the trend here.. selling "salty" things without actual salt is how we are going to not only survive this viral video but make waves in the sea salt harvesting industry. The irony is ridic.

We could skip this whole $100k sales goal part if any of you know someone looking to invest $1.8 million into purchasing our next salt facility?? Ehh? Huhh? Well..  Ya never know. Just dropping this here. I also want to be on Ellen. Again, just putting the vibes out there. 

You should go on Shark Tank..

Yes, we know. It's on the list.

 

 

I almost ALWAYS put a discount at the end of my emails.. but statistically, 90% of you still have a four letter one to use: BAIT

To my oldies (subscribers pre-TikTok):
OMG girl, yay!! we did it!! Thank you for supporting me along the way. I love you so very much.

To the newies (TikTok subscribers): Many of you have asked about accessing my "old" emails. I will make that happen, I promise. We've been spending 45 hours a day packing the orders that we do have. Once I hire some extra help, I'll be able to round up that salty goodness for you :)
Thanks for reading this weird marketing diary. I'll be back very soon with some straight up entertainment.

Happy, Happy Monday, y'all.

- Britni [salt lady]

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