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[Britni] If your email inbox is anything like mine, for the last two weeks it has been flooded with subjects like: "This Mother's Day..." and "The Perfect Gift Ideas For Mom.." and blah, blah, blah from all of these other businesses that have their shit together enough to put out holiday marketing emails in time for gifts to actually arrive by Mother's Day. My guess is that most of these emails are not written by mothers (of small children) who also co-own and operate the businesses they are writing emails for.
Feel me on this one, mama's?
For this email, I thought I'd share some of my funnier mom moments since I'm obviously a little late for the "mom's are so great, by them a gift" email train.
For the purpose of maintaining confidentiality, I'll refer to our foster child as "Pat" (you know a gender/age neutral name).
I recently put a bowl of bath bombs on a shelf above our toilet. They had been in a bag under the bathroom sink for a long time and living with little people, you can't just have nice things out. But they are getting older and I thought I'd give it a try. I of course, instructed both children not to touch or play with the bath bombs "they are not toys, they are just there to make the bathroom smell nice and look pretty until we are ready to use them".*
One night, about 3 days after the bath bombs had been out in the open, so vulnerable in plain sight, Casey heard Pat upstairs and assumed correctly that Pat was taking their nightly poop. When Casey went upstairs to check on things, he noticed some white powder on the bathroom rug.. Casey asked Pat what it was from and Pat was so speechless from guilt he had to act out the crime to explain to Casey what had been done.
Pat pointed to the trash can that had a half used bath bomb and pointed to the toilet and then to the rug...
"Did you put that bath bomb in the toilet? Then take it out and put it on the rug?" Casey asked Pat, and Pat nodded.. Gross.
Casey sent Pat back to bed and later told me what had happened. Not a big deal really until I went to use the toilet before bed, only to discover..
THERE WAS STILL POOP IN IT.
This means, Pat was having his bath bomb dunking party in the toilet, WITH POOP. I was horrified as I showed Casey and THEN Casey pointed out that there was no toilet paper in there! AH! We think little Pat got distracted by the bath bombs and, well, everything got a little messy from there. Dear God, please help us.
*OK, all of our moms had some "pretty" bullshit in the bathroom that was a functional item, but was not allowed to be used. For example, my mom's thing was the "nice towels". Like a towel, on a rack in the bathroom that was only to be observed by guests and never to be used by household members. So dumb. It really is dumb and I find myself trying to explain the same ridiculous concept to my kids, and even my kids are like: "mom, that is stupid". It must be a mom thing. But I'm holding to it.
When our daughter, Hadley was about 18 months old, she would wake up in her crib in the morning and Casey or I (Casey, every time, obviously, because his side of the bed was closer to her room) would go get her and bring her to bed for a little family snuggle before we were all ready to get up. At the time, our cat Nacho, was just a little, annoying kitten.
One day, Hadley came to bed for her morning snuggle and Nacho was jumping up from our pillows, playing with a dream catcher that is tied to our headboard. If you're imagining a cute little kitten, playing with string - it wasn't. We were half asleep and it was really fucking annoying. Casey put Nacho down on the floor and in a matter of minutes Nacho was right back at the dream catcher just relentlessly attacking it and stepping on our heads. At this point in the day, not one of us has said a single word yet, all in our half-sleepy states. Nacho was put back down one more time and when he jumped right back up, Hadley said, clear as day:
Hadley and Nacho around the time of this story.
Current photo of Hads and Nach. Best buds.
So fun. Being a mom is the most wonderful thing and it's exhausting. So, sorry I didn't remind you to shop with us for your mom, with enough time for it to arrive for Mother's Day. BUT! I'll say this: As a mom, I'd still want a present, even if it was late. Just me though.
OR!! If you are a mom and you're reading this,
YOU FUCKING DESERVE ANY AND EVERYTHING YOU EVER HAVE WANTED OR EVER WILL WANT. So if you're wanting some salty goods, just go ahead and treat yo self. You deserve it. And, seriously, most of our items have a pretty low price point so you don't even have to feel that guilty for splurging.
18% off of your entire order with this code you surely won't forget: