I am happy to be actually sitting down and enjoying my first glass of wine in about 10 days [insert patting self on the back emoji]. Since I've been training for the triathlon I've been eating all healthy and not drinking since I am an all or nothing FREAK! But.. currently enjoying a well deserved glass. It helps get me in the mood for some spicy email writing.
I've got a couple of things to clear up about that last email, then off to the funnies, since, I now have data to support the fact, that "funnies" are why we are all mostly here. and cheers to that friends.
About that last email:
1. Thank you to everyone who took time to fill out the survey. I had no idea so many people would participate. Y'all are either supes bored or just really, really like to give your opinion. For those who identify with the latter, I feel you. I've spent about 3 hours reading them and am about half way through.
2. The survey was NOT anonymous. and I am just as shocked as you are to learn this. It was the first survey I ever created through MailChimp and my god, I am certain people would not have said some shit if they knew that their answers were not anonymous (see examples below). I TOTALLY would have told you that if I had known. oops.
3. I seemed to have created some confusion. If I were to open up a paid subscription thing, it would be completely separate from this email!! I am not going to charge y'all to be marketed to! ha. But shit. at least 200 of you stated you would be willing to pay for it. That seems literally criminal. Sorry for the confusion. No. If it did it, it would be a side hustle email to this main hustle. The idea being that I could geek out on business stuff with the folks who are into it and hopefully the revenue from that would take some marketing pressure off of this email so it could be more funnies and less "god help us make payroll". The most challenging part of our business AC19 has been generating predictable, steady income rather than our viral bursts followed by dust bowls. This seems like a fun solution.
4. There was an overwhelming amount of interest, so I'll definitely be starting something up. I just don't know how or when or what yet :) stay tuned..
As promised.. here are a few responses from folks who probably assumed they were responding anonymously:
OK that last one was just funny. But most of the responses were like this:
Most responses I read were super supportive and positive and 2 ladies out there are very interested in marrying Dave (told your ass you were a mf pimp, Dave).
So anyway.. on with the funnies!
The other day, Casey took the kids swimming and out of nowhere, Hadley (our 5 yo daughter) was suddenly overcome by a depressive state of distant stares and weepy eyes. When asked what was wrong, she "didn't want to talk about it." [insert getting stabbed in the heart emoji]
If you've been reading these diaries for a while, you well know that Hadley gets her flair for drama from her *dad - and she put on quite a show at the pool. After some prodding she finally admitted, "I'm upset about this dream I keep having, but I don't want to tell you about it because you'll get mad."
*I would hope, even a newbie, this deep into an email diary could see that the above statement is a big wheelbarrow full of horse shit.
Casey explained to her that she can't get in trouble for merely dreaming something, but she persisted in keeping it secret. Oh, the torture! He's a much more patient parent than I am.. I would have pried it out of her right then and there.
He managed to make it through swimming, dinner and bedtime routine before finally getting her to come out with it. Like, WHAT!? I would have been like ok, fine, this is how you wanna play? No more *JoJo Siwa for the rest of your life then, and BAM she would have been blabbing out that dream faster than I rip my face mask off walking out of the grocery store.
When Casey was merely telling me this story I was on the edge of my seat, nodding, "uh-huh", "yep" [just fucking out with it already emoji]..
What on Earth could our little 5 year old, diva-princess-baby possibly be dreaming about that is making her sad at swimming and that she is too afraid to talk about!?
*If you don't know who JoJo Siwa is, because you don't have little kids, good. fucking keep it that way.
^ insert random dad meme here..
Anyhoosies.. He told her he could probably help her feel better if he knew what it was a bout and blah blah blah weak dad shit.. [insert eye-roll emoji] and finally she says,
"I've been having dreams about potty talk."
So Casey asks her, "You mean like grown up potty talk or like kid potty talk?" and Hadley gasped in horror at the accusation [insert horrified emoji]. "No, dad! Not grown up potty talk! Just kid potty talk."
Ah. So hilarious and innocent.
Some of you might think that my kids have little trash mouths going around spitting "fucks" and "shits". But no.. I've had people write me, offended by my language that love to toss in "And you have children! Shame on you." I don't read these emails to my kids as bedtime stories, just like I don't do lots of other grown up things in front of them..
Just the other day I got on to *Pat for saying "holy crap".. & Speaking of Pat.. I have been hesitant to share this, but this is my secret public diary so.. here it goes. We have an adoption date of April, 15th [insert 1 million happy sobs emojis]. Hope y'all are ready for a real tear jerker on that day. I've got some pent up content about that kid that I can't wait to share :) yay.
Aaaanyway.. a few days later Hadley brought up that she aaalllmost had another potty talk dream but she just said "nope. next dream." and made the swipe left gesture. Man, she cracks me up.
*"Pat" is the alias for our foster child of almost 2 years that I cannot disclose any identifying information about.. until adoption is finalized. SOON! [yay x 10k]
Just in case anyone was wondering...
Welp. I'm sick of writing now. So I'm going to go. Casey and I started watching Yellowstone and I am addicted. I still have to do another workout before I can go snuggle and watch. It is amazing I have lasted this long.. like. this is some real dedication you guys [insert glass of wine and Netflix emoji].
Enjoy 10% off of your next purchase with this discount code:
The code expires on 3-17-21 at 9:27 pm ALASKA time.. yeah.. I know it's a little different. I am experimenting and trying new things here.. no, not with my sexuality.. I've always been mostly straight but not all the way. That's nothing new. I mean that the code lasts a long time. Will more people use it? Or does the sense of urgency generate more sales?! Time will tell.
Thanks for reading! you all are the best.
One last, last thing I forgot to mention. All shampoo bars that were pre-ordered have been shipped out. We stated that they would ship the "last week of February" and technically they all went out on March 1st. I am really sorry about this. I hate not delivering on my word. BUT I have some fantastic excuses about shipping and that pussy little storm you all were bitching about in the lower middle US that held up all of our packages or whatever. Supplies arrived Saturday Afternoon, everything was made by Tammy, our soap sorcerous by Saturday night, then Lani and I packed it all up Sunday to ship out Monday. We did our darnedest to hold true to our promise.
Either way. Sorry bout that. But I hope you love the new hair stuff as much as I do :)
Also, kidding about the storms.. I know that was a big deal.. But.. I'm still going to make a little more fun..
Harvested by hand with love and respect for the ocean.