The Salt Lady Strikes Again [Email sent 11-9-20]

The Salt Co. Diaries

If this is your first email diary, please do yourself a favor and read this before reading any further.
Also, If you discovered us on TikTok and this is your first email, you can read this old email to get up to speed on how just one video was a game changer for our little salt business.
[Britni] Hellloooo Salties and Happy Fucking Monday (it's still Monday in Alaska as I type this). I am feeling extra sweary today, since we got a "hate mail" with some "constructive criticism" about my profanity and a request to be "removed from our mailing list". Jesus. Fucking. Christ, man. (it was a man). (Again, here is your reminder to read the warning in the link above if this is your first email. Do you believe me now?) 

Look, I really do get that this email-diary-thing is not for everyone... I do. But I also get that I have set up so, so many warnings, "filters" if you will, to weed 'em out. If you don't like a good swear sesh, GET OUT!! ah. I didn't sign any of you up for this... Anyway. I am also grateful for the little hate mail that we got today because it got me fired up. A little extra salty, saucy, sassy. It gets me in the mood, if you know what I mean.. [insert wink emoji] (and I mean, the mood to write a salty email - that is, why we are here, after all). 
I should start every email with this pic... and just so you know, for every 1 whiny, little wiener who writes us some cry-mail, we have 10k happy emails that are like, "yay, thank you for being fucking real". aaand just so you know, I'd be writing this bullshit either way. SO. since you're here, I am glad you are here, I'm here for you.. let's move on....
I've been saving up this email-diary idea for some time now... Some of you may already know that I tend to have a "salty" approach to bullshit-ass comments on our social media pages.

At the same time, if YOU are nice, we are the nicest back. If our customers are kind, reasonable human beings, then we will go over the fucking top for them. However, if they are a real life douche canoe, with a reputation for being a *cock sucking fuck wad, and commenting really unkind shit on the internet, for no reason, well, I'm probably not going to hold back in my responses.. 

AND SO. I've composed my favorite salty, "customer service" responses that are real life, actual responses, to share with you here, in my most sacred email diary. Because, I know if y'all are still here you can handle it and THAT IS WHY I FUCKING LOVE YOU TO GOSH DARN PIECES. 

*I seriously don't get why that guy even thought I was inappropriate to begin with [insert crying, laughing emoji] [insert middle finger emoji] [insert salt shaker emoji]
So this ^ photo was one we used as a paid Facebook ad for a while. The real picture had our beautiful Kachemak Bay in the background, but I'm currently feeling too lazy to find it.. Anyway.. People commented some really stupid stuff on the post... see below:
I mean, ya. I just don't feel bad about how I responded.. If our message was "and we don't even filter out the whale poop!".. then I could see how a comment like hers could be justified.. but c'mon.. If you have time on your hands to write "this is fucking disgusting" on a random Facebook ad that you know absolutely nothing about.. then.. like I said, her parents fucked up somewhere (like, by not pulling out). Note her frowny-mad-face reaction [insert crying, laughing, not caring emoji]
OK.. I forgot to scribble out "Sharon" on this pic, and I am, again, feeling too lazy to re-do this one, but in my defense, this WAS public, on the actual internet, so I am doing people a solid by blocking it out here in this email.. 
Again, I'm trying to feel like I overreacted and "the-customer-is-always-right-ish".. but I just can't. A: this person wasn't a customer and B: they didn't know what the fuck they were talking about and C: decided to go on a public comment spree, anyway. 

Cripes, you guys. CRIPES!!!!!
Total. Turn. Off. For. Me. [eeeeaasy, britni. easy girl]
I literally just now noticed how many "likes" my response got. Ha. That's actually really funny.
In this one, I was hoping to have that "actual concern" voice. Like, "girl, I feel you on the chin things. You ok? You take care of yourself"..
Kill them with sarcasm.. or was it kindness??? I always get those two mixed up...
I forget where it went from here but I do remember that this lady DID NOT like my salty response... oops :)
This was one of our bath bomb ads... and yes, you read correctly. This person wrote "Va Jay Jay" With a capital 'V' and capital 'J' 's...
Ok.. I butchered this with typos.. but you get the message. It's called a VAGINA!! Say it loud, say it proud... VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA
Once, after the George Floyd tragedy, when I wrote the email "Human Stuff" someone asked me to unsubscribe them and stated they could no longer support our business because they felt like I was just another white person trying to "make everyone get along" and not recognize the racism that is actually happening. Since this person didn't know me AT ALL or bother to ask questions, they simply made false assumptions, I went ahead and found them in our system. I refunded the person for every single penny they had ever spent with our company and suggested that they donate the funds to the charity of their choice and to please, not ever shop with us again.. 

At Salt Co., the customers aren't always right. But if they treat us with dignity, compassion and respect, it will be given right back. As for the rest of those fuck-wads.. watch out. 
If you're still hanging in here, I love you. and you deserve a little treat. How about 10% off of your next Salty order with discount code:


Or, click the link below:

This offer ends November 12th at 11:59 pm Alaska Time. Please note if you type this in to capitalize the V and the J and the J.. supes important.. 

Good night (or good morning) salties!! I love you!! 

Signing off at a reasonable 11:11 pm (make a wish) Alaska time..

- Britni [salt lady]

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